random thoughts...........

Guten Tag,

I was told recently by someone that I am selfish, braggadocios, and a hypocrite. So instead of being angry about it I chose to go to my Father and ask Him for the truths and ask forgiveness of my humanness. I became a Christian almost 40 years ago and everyday has been two steps forward and some days, weeks, months....10 steps back but I have always tried to continue forward, even the times I have stumbled. I understand when God says that know one knows our hearts like He does. I have done alot of bad things in my life and have been very transparent about them. I was a liar, an adulteress, a thief, a poor daughter at times, envious and jealous of others that truly took the joy right from my heart. I lived for years with anger and hatred.

The longer I have known the Lord the more I have come to realize that He knew I would have all these faults as He created me in my mamma's womb. Making no excuses for my faults or choices these are the things that have made me who I am today. I hopefully have learned and grown but I still am frail in my humanity. I was told that I am ashamed of where I come from. Anyone that knows me well, and has know me for along time, knows I love the family I came from and also know that was also part of God's plan. I talk fondly of my youth, my mom and dad and my siblings. Families are complicated and what is amazing how we can all be raised with the same morals, values, and even same mom and dad and still have a different view of how life was and is.

Anyone knows me, even for a few moments, knows I love BIG, and I care deeply for those who God puts in my path. I have had many sandpaper people in my life but realized they were there for ME to learn to handle confrontation and to most of all love unconditionally as God first loved me. I have been blessed to be a mentor to many but again in frailty I have not always been what they needed me to be to them. I think I am good friend, now. I did not use to be. I was a terrible friend as a kid and as a young adult because it was all about me and what I could get from any situation. I could manipulate any situation and still must be careful today to make sure my motives are pure. And often, I hate to admit, I must reevaluate those motives. I use to hate I was wrong...still do not like it but .....I know I have made lots of ugly mistakes and said some pretty stupid and foolish things...in the name of God! Thank you Lord that you are a God of mercy and grace! As 1 John 1:9 says, "if we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and cleanse of all our unrighteousness."

I read the scripture this morning in 1 John that said that "This the message you have heard from the beginning. We should love one another. We must not be like Cain who belonged to the evil one and killed his brother. And why did he kill him? Because Cain had been doing what was evil, and his brother had been doing what is righteous. So don't be surprised, dear brothers and sisters, if the world hates you." Oh, how true and why am I always surprised when this happens? Righteousness is not self indulgent it is trying to attain holiness more and more each day so with each day we become more like our Father. This is hard to keep the balance of not overstepping the line and looking self indulgent, pious, holier than thou, but people who do not walk in the light do not understand this. They think we are hypocrites....no just trying to be what I was called to as a Christian who wants to have Him..."increase as I decrease."

I am a poor miserable sinner who was chosen by THE great and mighty God. Whose Son became my Deliverer, Rock, Savior, Counselor, Jehovah Jirah.....etc and etc! I do not deserve what has been given to me but I take it and ask this prayer today and everyday....Lord keep me humble....and you lift me higher and higher as I pray my Light continues to shine.

These thoughts come from a fresh wound that hurts like the dickens but I as I learned along time ago....the truth hurts...so I take these thoughts and use them for growth and hopefully for His honor and glory. Create in me a clean heart oh Lord and renew a right spirit in me. You can take all the bad in the world and make it good...........for your purpose not mine! NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH CHRIST JESUS. If He can take me, a broken woman with a rotten heart, and mold me and shape me as only the Potter can...ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!

Tshcuss,
Debby