What IF.......

I have not blogged in ages but I need to "talk" this morning.......

Almost everyday I think of blogging because I love to write but it just has not been in me. I have so much on my mind this morning as I prepare for my right knee to be replaced tomorrow morning at 8AM. There have been so many things going through my mind and most of it has been about "what ifs." What if I do not recover, what if I get staph, which I found out I have lying in my nose,  what if I never see my children or grandchildren again, what if I never get to make love to my husband again..............the case of what ifs can really make you crazy!

So this morning I lay to rest the "what ifs" and get back on my knees, that has to be done through imagery, hehehe, and say God forgive me for trying to control it ALL again!! I truly mean it when I say I am not afraid to die but I do not want to die today, tomorrow or wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllll until I AM READY. I know, I have NO CONTROL over that but I sure do try. When you go into surgery  for a major operation talk about having NO CONTROL but the end results of this surgery makes me desire it more than the "what ifs."

Yesterday morning as I was reading my Bible I had a BIG revelation from the Lord. He said I spent to much of my life, ready for this, testing Him! I was floored because I know how dangerous the Bible says that is and I really, truly did not realize that was what I have been doing. It is almost like I play russian roulette with my Lord. I just know that He is going to give me the worse and when He doesn't I think ....well, the next time because I sure do not deserve all this grace and mercy and LOVE he caresses around me. So I start the what if game with the Lord all over again. Let me give Him another scenario and see how this one works out? So this morning while pretending I am on my knees I repent, turn and say let us start all over again BUT this time I will NOT test YOU and allow YOU, Lord, the driver's seat. He must be laughing because He knows how hard this is for me but I know as I prepare for tomorrow that I MUST trust Him and know what ever the outcome, "there is hope for my future" (Jeremiah 31:17) either here on earth or on in heaven. No matter what there will be JOY in the morning! Life is just to darn short for all the "what ifs"...............

Prayers are appreciated!

"For the Lord is good; His steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations." Psalm 100:5

In His Grip,

Debby...
Wife, daughter, mom, sister, friend and most of all a child of God